I did four tests in total- three that first day and then one the next morning when I woke up at 5am, so scared of moving, of rolling onto my tummy, so scared Spud had just disappeared as suddenly as he’d arrived. All positive, but still not REAL. We needed to see a doctor before we could really accept this was true.
Easier said than done, when you’re in New Zealand as a non-resident. We ended up in a family planning clinic- the only place a GP would see me without the whole processing, registering, transferring records rigamarole. Even then, the protocol was that a doctor would only refer you to a scan if you were planning a termination! What? I argued my way through this stupid red tape for the best part of the morning, eventually snapping to the woman on reception “Proving the existence of my baby is harder than proving the existence of GOD!” I did my best evil power-glower but I was smiling inside at that one. The resulting ten minute appointment (another positive pee-test and a referral to bloods and the ultrasound) cost $50. Jeesh.
But the doctor, who was the first switched on person we’d encountered all day, pretty much assured us of what we’d been needing to hear; that the tests don’t really lie, especially five of them, that we’d have to wait a week before we went for a scan, but yep, you’re pregnant and you’ll soon have all the proof you need. And- it stuck with me, oddly- hearing her wish us that first ‘Congratulations.’
We went for the prenatal bloods that afternoon (Another $260- is anyone counting? I am), did the obligatory faint-and-recover pantomime -I never could handle blood tests- and had Rob go fetch the first of many obligatory chocolate milks. - Oh how could we have predicted the Nesquicky joys that were to come!!
We were so happy- holding this huge, amazing, secret between us like it was made of glass. Talking about everything all at once- I’ve never felt so in love with him as that afternoon.
As the sun started to sink, we drove south a bit to Bethells beach, it was deserted. There was no wind, no clouds, only the most vibrant sunset pouring out golden light onto the green hills, slate coloured sand and our already glowing faces. I’ve been lucky enough to chase sunsets around the world the past three years, but this one was really special. Our first sunset as a three.
We would keep our secret to ourselves for several more weeks, and all the while I felt so delicate, subconsciously trying not to move too quickly or even really breathe too deeply when all I wanted to do was shout from the rooftop! I feel like I tiptoed through the days, fizzing with the knowledge of carrying our precious, fragile and already loved cargo.